Ready? (Or Not)

Exactly one month from today, I land in Helsinki to begin my adventure!

I cannot believe that the one month mark has arrived so soon.  It feels like I have been dreaming and learning about this journey for a long time, and yet here I stand, ready or not, with a hard deadline and a date of departure.  With the resting hopes and dreams of those who know me (or know of me) on my shoulders, it is hard to not feel overwhelmed.  But strangely, I don’t.

There are plenty of logistical details that haven’t fallen into place.  There are connections I need to make, proposals I need to write, supplies I need to buy, routes I need to plot, and most of the Finnish language to learn.  But an underlying theme of my journey up until now (and one of my biggest life lessons of late) has been about surrender.  Not in the lie-down-and-let-things-walk-all-over-you kind of way, but in the simple acceptance kind of way.  The relinquishing control kind of way.  This journey has never seemed like a choice to me.  I met Petronella, and immediately knew what I needed to do.  I quit my job, moved in with my Mom’s cousin, put off grad school, and committed myself to something mysterious and beautiful, something with an end that I could not (and still cannot) see.  It has been terribly uncomfortable, but oh-so-right.

I don’t feel ready, but I have always been ready.

One month.

 

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